For a brief shining moment last year, I thought I had it.
I figured I’d finally outgrown my restless twenties and, now that my thirties had begun, I was finally starting to “grow up.” I felt more responsible; more at home in my own skin. I was more productive. I was regularly attending church. I was an integral part of some major ministries at said church. I was making huge strides toward becoming an ideal husband.
I was really miserable.
We go to the bible, we go through the workout,
We read up on revival, and we stand up for the lookout,
There’s more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
- the Indigo Girls, “Closer to Fine”
We exercise. We try to get up early every day and “do devotions.” We faithfully give money to our church and selected relief organizations. We pay the bills and limit our credit card use. We tell people we’ll pray for them. We make sure to go to bed early every night, and don’t forget to say our prayers.
We do these things that will supposedly make us better people, trying to enforce a rule of spirituality and stewardship from the outside in. Jesus talked about what makes a man unclean being what comes out of him, as opposed to what he puts in. This seems to fly in the face of the success gurus’ mantra of “fake it ‘til you make it” – finding what you want to be, and acting as if you already are. They seem to say if you can put enough “good stuff” in you, then eventually, you’ll be as good as everything you’ve consumed. We can practice holiness, but it won’t make one bit of difference unless our hearts have been transformed. Ritual won’t suffice – we need to remember we’ve already been made perfect and holy, regardless of what we do.
That brief, shining moment was altogether too brief. All it takes is one minor (or not-so-minor) upheaval to realize you’ve been going about it all wrong.
:hug: